There’s that saying of doing something for an audience of one. Usually that saying comes with a capital O, referring to God, referring how things we do should not be an effort to get attention for ourselves or to merely please other people and to get their praises. The point is to do something for the approval of the One who matters most and ultimately is the one I answer to, the One who created me. The point is to do this with a clear conscious, no ulterior motive or agenda, no manipulation, or whatever other kinds of impurities. Not profit making, no strings attached, no self-promotion and no putting down others.

Thank you God for this new day. And how great of a day this is. Today I have life and that is more than enough to give thanks. Every breath. Every sigh. Every scene. Every step. Every blink. These are all the smallest part of amazing things that make up my life, and the millions and billions of people around this world.

This time of year is extra important because it is the day that Christ-followers celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ! What incredible news that has made this day the day that makes all the difference in the world. Because Jesus is alive and has overcome death, this is the same reality that I too can experience in my life. That is really the best gift because it lasts forever.

I just finished four weeks of travel for work. Thank you for giving me time to come home each weekend to sleep in my own bed. You know I get much better sleep at home than on the road.

What I don’t get is why I don’t yet feel fully rested and back to normal. It’s not like I’ve been pulling all nighters or cutting my sleeping hours short. But maybe the travelling itself takes more energy than just sitting around in a plane or on the train. So maybe I can keep working on catching up on my sleep deficit. Not work, rest.

Finding the Right Pace

While I’m here in this state, please guide me so I can be well for the long-term. Right now it’s one day at a time. It’s not a bad place to be, like it was last year. And for that, I thank you God for that so very much. I guess I’m saying this to say that I’m not where I want to be. So, help me get there.

Channel Surfing

Now that with the lower energy I have, or don’t have, I do a bit more of that binge watching thing. A movie here or there. A tv ashow. Not reading.

Ironic. Now I’m in the midst of watching a movie called Passengers. It’s about 2 passengers that awake early accidentally from hibernation. So they’re trying to figure out how to get back to sleep. Me too.

So the concept that God is all-knowing can be rather disturbing. I believe that’s true, even though I don’t understand all the implications of that.

Let’s start there. God knows all my thoughts, both good and bad, both memorable ones and forgotten fleeting ideas. My thoughts and feelings are known to God already, like I’m an open book. God knows the beginning and the end, because He is outside of time. You know my future and You will care for me better than the birds and the flowers. That’s what your word says.

Life as a book

There’s a lot of good things the Bible says, even if some of it doesn’t make sense. And yes there are lots of people who don’t believe in the Bible because of how it was compiled and many other intellectual reasons. Here’s the thing. Smart people on both sides of the aisle have thoroughly studied the text of the Bible, but have arrived at very different conclusions. Some find faith and believe; some lose faith, some deny the supernatural to begin eith. Whatever.

As my life is an open book to You, so also the Bible is a kind of open book to show the story of God through human history. Ah, the book of books.

If indeed you do know all, you know me better than I know myself, and you are not shocked at the negative thoughts or the immoral and evil thoughts either. God, you see all and know all, and yet you are able to love and redeem and clean. That’s the kind of God that I can get to know better and to be more at ease relating to. That means there is nothing to hide; nothing to be ashamed of.

Then my prayer to you God is to help me bring to my consciousness that You are welcoming me to lay down my heavy thoughts so I don’t have to carry them. Prayer is cleansing catharsis. Yet, you know, I am not good at being consistent in my praying. Like it says in my StrengtheFinder themes, one of my lowest scores is consistency. That’s not to excuse it. That is to say it takes me more effort than others who can more naturally be consistent.

Scrolling through the timeline in my mind & of my life

There sure are many ideas that go thru my mind pretty much all the time. Sometimes I remember them in sequence. Time marches on. So does my timeline in my mind palace. Often, it seems, I scroll through without paying much attention. I can’t have my mind on all the times, it does need a breather and a break.

Other times the scroll bar gets stuck. Oh, I don’t like that, when it’s a temptation or it’s a paralyzing negative thought. Help me God. Actually, the scroll bar isn’t stuck, it’s still scrolling, but I’m seeing the same image and status update over and over. And it’s hard to click away. Maybe the analogy is more of the annoying pop-up ads that won’t go away. In the industry, they even call it the takeover ad. Ugh.

It takes less energy to scroll thru my timeline then to write or to type out my status updates. That is my blogging, my prayer blogging, here. Be that as it may, this blogging can bring relief to my rapidly-scrolling timeline and pause on the compose post screen. Reminder to self that this is a good thing. Like exercise can actually energize, so too can prayer blogging.

Reading the Bible can be that too- to scroll through humanity’s timeline and pay attention to when God shows up. See what he’s up to, see what he’s like, see how he thinks and feels.

How people read the book, and interpret it, that’s a whole ‘nother conversation.

For me, it is a good thing to believe in the God who is good and loving, You are for me and not against me. You are the ultimate humanitarian. And, somehow, you’ve got to be the one who can cut thru the messy clutter of polarized opinions and convictions over today’s volatile social issues, injustices, and inequities.

My countdown clock is ticking

I have a little app on my phone that is counting my days. I have about 3,000 days before my 70th birthday.

Each day counts. Every second is counting down. Tic. Tic. Tic.

Does that add a sense of urgency? What is the one thing that I have to do today? This week? This month? This year?

No guarantee that I have 3,000 days left on earth. Could be more or less. Only God knows.

Teach me to number my days and give me a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)